I have taken my personal experience and made it a point to pass down positive expressions to my children.  I know that little girls need to know that they are loved. So, I make sure every day – multiple times a day – to hug and kiss and tell my little girl that I love her. Aside from the fact that I do love her, there are some very practical reasons for doing that. I don’t want her to grow up looking for love and affection and not finding it.  I don’t want the first boy that comes along and tells her that he loves her to totally sweep her off her feet.  I want her to think, when she first hears those words from some would be Casanova, “That’s nothing. My daddy tells me he loves me all the time.”  I also want her to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and know how to give and receive affection.

My boys need affirmation. I know that.  Of course I tell them that I love them, just like I tell LK that I’m proud of her.  But the emphasis for Jack and Benjamin is that they’ve done a good job and that I’m proud of them. They are going to need that kind of assurance as they grow into young men. It will set the stage for the rest of their life.  I know that there are many men today who are still working and struggling to get affirmation from a father who never expressed it. They never feel good enough. They never think that they’ve accomplished enough for their dad to be proud of them. As a result they are not confident, committed leaders where they work or live.  I don’t want my little boys growing up carrying those kinds of chains. So, when I tuck them in at night I make sure that they know that I’m proud of them.

There is a spiritual reason for doing all of these things as well. The Bible tells us in many places that God is our father and that we are to relate to Him as children. That’s why I want to make sure that my children have a healthy, happy relationship with me – their father.  I want our relationship with each other to help them to have a healthy, happy and even holy relationship with their heavenly Father.

So, with that in mind, let me share with you some little phrases and expressions that I really believe can help you show and share your affection and affirmation for your family today.

I love you.
I’m proud of you.
Way to go.
Good job.
You’re a real joy.
Great!
You’re such a good helper.
I believe in you.
I trust you.
Beautiful work.
Marvelous!
Give me a hug.
Give me a kiss.
Excellent job.
You figured it out.
You remembered.
You gave it your all.
Hooray for you!
You sure are pretty.
You sure are handsome.
You just made my day.
Tremendous!
I’m praying for you.
You’re so special to me.
You are such a big boy.
You’re such a good big sister.
Magnificent!
You figured it out all by yourself.
You’re a real trooper.
I support you.
I’m here for you.
You’re the best!

Why not try a few of these expressions of affection and affirmation on your family today? I think you’ll be surprised how sharing just a few of these can make them stand taller and stronger, make them happier and healthier as well as deepen and strengthen your relationship with them today.

 Hebrews 10:25

At the beginning of my first summer as a pastor, Louise Vandergrift, the only senior adult in our tiny congregation in Tennessee brought me a little article that she had clipped out of a magazine decades before.  I never forgot the point of the article, so years later I called “Mrs. Louise” and asked her to fax it to me.  I share it today with the hope that it sticks in your heart and mind the same way that it has in mine over the past 17 years.

God Takes The Summer Off

“We are sorry to inform you that God will not be available during the summer beginning June 1st.  He feels He deserves some time off, so He has canceled His normal duties for the summer.

He has agreed to send the sun and rain occasionally when He happens to be in town, but so far as answering prayers for the needs of your family, please don’t count on Him.

God has let church leaders know that they should not plan any outreach efforts or mission trips during the summer—or at least if they do, they will have to do it without Him because He plans to be gone a lot to see relatives, baseball games and the lake.  God has expressed the opinion that we should find someone else to take His place.

Then we reminded Him of His promise, “Surely I will be with you always,” but He said He didn’t realize when He said it that it meant going two or three years without a break.  He expressed His sincere regret and hopes that it will not cause anyone any inconvenience.

God may be contacted anytime after September 1st at which time He hopes to get back into the routine.  “Please defer all requests until then,” He requested.

Aren’t you glad God doesn’t take the summer off?  As we approach summer, make it your determination to bring yourself and your family to God’s House on Sunday.  He’ll be waiting for us to worship Him.”

If you want to be a man that God uses in a mighty way then determine today that you will cultivate a close fellowship with Jesus that evidences itself in a passionate devotional life and a personally pure lifestyle.  As the quote from D.L. Moody that my father inscribed on the inside of my ordination Bible reads, “This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book.”

You see, the enemy would have you believe that the requirements God has for your life and character either don’t actually matter or there’s no way to really know them. Don’t fall for either of these lies. They will be the death nail of your ministry.

That great preacher from Scotland who died when only twenty-nine years old, Robert Murray M’Cheyne, put it so succinctly. He said, “My people’s great need is my personal holiness.”  Then he added, “How awful a weapon in the hand of God is a holy minister.”

I would suggest that as one called by God to serve Him in His ministry that you give close and careful study to the life of Jesus.  I know that we seem to live in a day that is increasingly focused on the didactic writings of Paul, and I would not seek at all to lower in your estimation those portions of scripture that he penned.  However, I can’t help but notice that it was his encounter with the living Lord Jesus Himself that transformed His life and walk. It is the one thing that he seems to never be able to get out of his mind. It didn’t just change his destination, it changed his direction. I therefore believe that such an encounter would do no less in ours.

As I have studied the life of Jesus I notice two things that figure very prominently in His earthly life.  First, He daily spent prolonged times with the Father in prayer.  In fact, we read that He got up early in the morning, and that he prayed so long that the disciples fell asleep. Second, when tempted by the devil in the desert He didn’t rely on his own personal will or intellect, but repeatedly relied on the Word of God to fend off the enemy’s fiery darts. The recurring phrase, “It is written,” should be the motivation, model and mode of operation in the minister’s life.

I will never forget when I was a seminary student hearing Steve Gaines during the T.V. Farris Preaching Lectures deliver what he titled, “The Praying Preacher.” It has impacted my life in so many wonderful ways.  Above all I remember the simple, but poignant statement, “Save your morning’s for God.” I have benefited greatly from his practical advice on how to pray, when to pray, where to pray.  I still follow his pattern of utilizing prayer cards and a journal. Most of all I have sought to have a systematic way in which I memorize and meditate on scripture. I believe whole-heartedly the Psalmist’s answer to the question, “How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word.”

Paul in his letter to his young preacher-boy, Timothy, makes a statement that should be carefully considered by every minister seeking to be a man God uses. He writes, “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Thus we are told of the six spheres that make up the life of a minister.

In their book, “On Being a Pastor,” Derek Prime and Alistair Begg ask in what spheres a pastor is to be an example, and their answer is: “In every sphere!”  Seek to be a man God uses by cultivating a consistent and passionate walk with Jesus that affects every sphere of your personal and pastoral life.

Next week I want us to begin to look at each of these areas of a minister’s life. We will look at the life of Jesus for examples on how to cultivate a fellowship with Him that is marked by a vibrant devotional life and evidenced by personal holiness.

I’ve written on the subject of hiding God’s Word in young hearts before, but this week I want to give some very practical, personal pieces of advice about how memorize and meditate on scripture. Now, I’m sure that most readers will understand that what I mean by memorization is just that. It is learning every word in a verse or passage of the Bible. I believe that it is even important to learn all of the punctuation marks as well because the stops and starts, emphases and quotes can many times change the way a verse is read or understood.

Having three young children means that there are plenty of opportunities to practice scripture memory around the Whitt house. Our children are involved in our church’s AWANA ministry, and AWANA definitely places a great deal of emphasis on scripture memory. It’s not unusual for us to be working on multiple verses every week. In fact, many times as we are getting ready to leave for church on Wednesday night one parent will be going over verses with one child, while the other parents helps another child with theirs.

But not only do I want my family to memorize scripture, I want them to know how to and develop the discipline of meditating on it. I want them to not just know what a verse says, to be able to quote it, I want them to make it part of who they are. I want them to wrestle and then nestle with the Word of God.

Far too often we as believers run too fast, trying to accomplish too much, checking off every box, that we fail to stop and just spend time With God and His Word. I believe that God’s Word should be hidden in our heart and meditated on in our mind every single day.  The Lord told Joshua, “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”  Those are things that I want to be true in my life and the life of my family.

So, let me share some very simple, and I pray helpful, advice on how to hide God’s Word in your heart.

1. It has to be the desire of your heart. 

2. Choose a translation that you can both memorize and use in your study.

3. Begin with a short, familiar book like the Gospel of Mark. 

4. Make the investment of time and energy.

5. Use “memory cards” to help in your regular review of what you’ve memorized.

6. Stick with it, and don’t give up.

7. Don’t forget the great benefits of scripture memory.

I love the words of the Psalmist when he said, “Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You!”

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4

No one ever becomes great simply through his own ability or personality.  Greatness is only achieved through the life of another.  Think about that for a minute. What makes a patriot so revered? It is because his life is found in the larger life of his country.  What makes the humanitarian so distinguished? It is because he’s a member of the larger body of humanity.  Why is the artist so loved? It is because his spirit is a part of the larger spirit of creation.

You see, the truth of the matter is that none of us even begin to live except through the act of dying.  In our verse for today we find that the branch only bears fruit because it becomes lost in the tree.  If a branch could speak it wouldn’t say, “I am a branch.” It would say, “I am a tree.”

If I were traveling in Europe and in a heated conversation with a man from Italy made a statement that the United States could whip Italy with one hand tied behind our back, that man would be upset-and rightfully so.  Why?  Because he has identified his own life with the life of Italy.  Italy’s triumph is his triumph, her tragedy is his tragedy.  The branch sees itself as the tree.

That’s the way it is with a true Christian.  Christ becomes a very personal matter.  The Christian rejoices when Christ is exalted and is grieved when He is dishonored.  I saw a young man crying over the way Christ is treated in America. Now, the world would think that very odd.  The world would ask, “Why is he crying? Nobody is hurting him.”  That’s not what that young man would have said – the branch felt that it was the tree.

Do you see now the secret to greatness? Greatness isn’t found in your individuality, independence or even self denial. True greatness is discovered in genuine surrender to another – to Christ.

I hear some today talking about the subject of “forgetting self.” My question is simply, “How do you plan on doing that?”  Will it be by death or will it be by life?  Sure, some medication could cause you to forget yourself, but that is just an unconsciousness that comes from dying.  There is, however, an uncounsciousness that comes from living in the life of another – but that is made possible only by love.

The branch could forget itself by simply withering and dying. It could do that, but wouldn’t it be far better for the branch to simply lose itself by living in the vine?  That’s the challenge for us today – to get into the vine! We must find our life in the life of another – Jesus. We must feel ourself as a member of His body.  His interests must be seen as our interests.  His hearbeat must be our heartbeat.  His grief must be our grief.  His joy must be our joy.  His prayer must be our prayer.

Let’s join Him in praying for the hallowed name, the coming Kingdom, the directed will, the provision of daily nourishment, the presence of mercy and for the end of sin!

You will find the peace that comes from being Christ’s beloved when your forgetting of self is found in the remembering of Him.

I have a hard time accepting that a man who was “nothing” before the call and is “nothing” apart from the call would lead churches to do the things and to accept the current carnality that is now so prevalent in our churches. It seems that what we have far too many men today who think more of their abilities and achievements than they should who are attempting to use their intellect and personality to accomplish that which in reality can only be achieved through the power and Spirit of God.

The difference, I believe in a Spirit-filled, Gospel-focused, Jesus-exalting ministry and what we sadly see so often today begins with a man who, without a doubt, has the call of God upon his life leading and loving the flock he’s been called to pastor according to the truth of God’s Word.  It all goes back to the call.

Last week I gave a definition of the call.  I wrote, “The call is the undeniable, unmistakable, unavoidable conviction that comes upon a person that God wants him to spend the rest of his life serving in the Lord’s ministry.”

Let’s look now at the elements that make up the call.

1. It is certain.  It is an “undeniable, unmistakable, unavoidable conviction.” The pastor must be absolutely certain that he has the call of God upon his life.  Without this absolute assurance the pastor will lack power, passion and persistence.  W.A. Criswell once said that the “first and foremost of all the inward strengths of the pastor is the conviction, deep as life itself, that God has called him to the ministry.”  This is so true.  In order for the pastor to minister “in season and out of season,” there must be the confident assurance that he has been called by God to the ministry.

As you read the study the scriptures, there is a recurring theme, one that we find especially in the writings of Paul. Paul refers to the urgency and the unambiguous nature of his call to the ministry. He wrote to the believers in Corinth, “… necessity is laid upon me; yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!” (1 Corinthians 9;16)

The word translated “necessity” refers to the compulsion of his call. It was powerful and persistent. Paul says that it was “laid upon” him.  This refers to the urgency of the call.  In fact, it was so urgent that he refers to it in the present tense.  It was something that was, even right then, being “laid upon” him.

I remember when I first began to sense the call of God upon my life as a young college student. It was very much like a weight, and the more that I resisted the heavier that weight became until that night when I finally surrendered to the call of God upon my life.  The urgency and necessity remain, but now there is the a supernatural power that comes from the Spirit of God in my life that enables me to carry that weight and fulfill my ministry. Erwin Lutzer describes the call as “an inner conviction given by the Holy Spirit…” You see, God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips, enables and empowers the called!

Warren Wiersbe once wrote that the “work of the ministry is too demanding and difficult for a man to enter it without a sense of divine calling. Men enter and then leave the ministry usually because they lack a sense of divine urgency. Nothing less than a definite call from God could ever give a man success in the ministry.”

2. It is personal. The call “comes upon a person that God wants him…” God calls men to lead his church and to fed His sheep.  There is something very personal about God selecting a man for the ministry.  Now, again, there are those who deny this individual call. They say that “everyone is called,” but if the Bible is to be our authority then there can be no doubt that there is a specific, personal call that comes to some and not just a general call to all.

This personal call is special and it enables a man to do more than he could do through his own personality or ability.  Resist with all your might the common thought that would seek to explain way the high calling that God has placed upon your life. Do not allow it to become something that is common because it is not.  The call is something that is very special and absolutely personal.

When I first felt the call of God I must admit that it was overwhelming. Yes, there was the weight and the urgency and the necessity that Paul describes.  But, there was also a great sense of unworthiness.  Why would He choose me? I felt kind of like Moses. There were others who would no doubt be better speakers, organizers or leaders. Surely there were others at the University who were smarter, had applied themselves more, or who were gifted in areas that I wasn’t.  But, when the call came, with it came everything I have ever needed to accomplish the ministry to which He has called me.  The same will prove to be true in your life if He has indeed called you.

3. It is irrevocable. The call of God on a man’s life is “to spend the rest of his life serving in the Lord’s ministry.” There is no expiration date. There is no stature of limitations.  Once the call comes and you have surrendered your life to the call it doesn’t end. Surely, there are different areas of ministry and these may change from time to time, but the call remains.

I have to admit that it bothers me to see those who have espoused a call and even given evidence of it come to a point in their life where they in essence “walk away from the ministry.”  Now, there are events and issues in the life of a man which would disqualify him from continuing to serve in the ministry, and we will discuss these things more at a later time.  But, for a man to burn out, throw in the towel, give up and forsake his calling is something that is unbelievable to me and foreign to what I read in scripture.

Paul wrote the Roman believers that “the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29) The word translated “irrevocable” means “not to be taken back.”  Just like salvation is not on one minute and off the next, but is forever, the call is not something that comes at one point in a man’s life and is taken back at another. The call comes and it comes to stay. It is this way, I believe, because of the unchanging nature of God. God is unchanging and so are his purposes.  Once God calls a man it is His purpose to accomplish his will in the world and eternity through the one He has called.

There have been many times in my life as a pastor where it would have been much easier to give up and go do something else.  In spite of what many church members may think, the life of a pastor is not all glitz and glory.  There are burdens and battles that come into a pastor’s life and  many times it would be a blessing if we could take off the mantel, lay it down and just walk away.  But, it doesn’t work that way.

I remember one particularly dark time in my life as a pastor. I had been at my first pastorate for about a year and half. The Lord was blessing and we were seeing people come to know Christ and the church was growing. I thought that things were great.  Then one Saturday I was asked to come to the church for what was supposed to be a regular Personnel Team mtg.  We had discussed working on our Personnel Policy Manual and I thought that was the reason for this meeting. What I didn’t know was that some of the “charter members” of the church were upset with all the “new people” coming into the church and they had influenced the members of the Personnel Team. This small group had met for three months with another local pastor without my knowledge, working on their version of a personnel manual. The meeting lasted for eight hours.  It ended with them considering the office of the Pastor as nothing more than a secretarial worker an began a period of great turmoil and hurt in the church. I was devastated.

I will never forget a call I received later that night from Steve Gaines.  It was comforting, reassuring and emboldening.  Two statements from that phone call stick out in my mind. First, he told me that “every pastor will be a paschal lamb at least once in his ministry.” And, then he asked me the question. “Has God called you?”  The answer to that question was the answer to my situation.  I couldn’t cut and run.  I had to stay and lead and do my best to love this flock that the Lord had called me to, even if some of the sheep knew how to bite.

The call comes, and it comes to stay.  In fact, it is the call that will sustain you through bad business meetings, being forsaken by your friends, mistreated by church members and mocked by society.  The call is the inner prompting that will not let you wash your hands of the whole thing when you’re going through the valley.  Oh, that doesn’t mean that you have to be a door mat and allow others to walk all over your and your family. It does mean though that you may have to turn the other cheek, go when you’re not wanted, smile when you’re hurting, give a drink of water when you are dry and endure taunts and sneers – for the sake of the Gospel.

Make no mistake about it.  The ministry is not for sissies.  It is not for the faint of heart or those who are easily hurt or offended.  But, if the call of God has come upon your life, then there is only one thing for you to do – surrender, smile and be satisfied that He has considered you worthy of the ministry.

As sad as these tragedies are, and they are indeed sad, the tragedy often leads to a rupture in the marriage relationship.  Many times I have watched a couple who stood with each other and supported each other through the storm of some tragedy only to see them enter the storm of divorce a few months or years later.  How tragic, sad and totally avoidable.

I believe that the most important human relationship is that which is between a husband and wife.  It is to come before the relationship that we have with our parents. It is to come before any other adult relationship that we have. The relationship between a husband and wife is even to supersede the relationship between parent and child.

Now, I’ve been a pastor long enough and I’ve lived long enough to know that the majority of people reading this have or will experience some terrible tragedy at some point in your life.  That’s why I want to share some pastoral advice on how to protect and grow your marriage even in the wake of a tragedy.

1.  Commit – Make a commitment before the storm begins to rage that you both will do whatever is necessary to protect your marriage. Say it out loud.  Repeat it often.  You see, commitment is the foundation that will help your home to remain standing after the storm has passed.

2.  Persevere – Take it one day at a time – with each other.  Don’t try to look a week ahead or a year ahead. If you do you will become overwhelmed  and become frustrated. Get up every morning determined to faced the day together.

3.  Schedule – Have a time every day where you can sit and share with each other the hurts and fears that you have.  Make sure both of you talk and are engaged in the conversation.  Schedule the time and then stick to it. Start on time and end on time.  Do this so the one who wants to talk can and the one who doesn’t much feel like talking that day knows when the conversation will be over.

4. Avoid – Whatever you do, don’t fight or argue in the bedroom.  If you feel that an argument is unavoidable then make sure you are anywhere else in the house but the bedroom.  This should be the one place that is safe and where there are no bad memories. Do whatever it takes to preserve the unity and harmony of this special place.

5. Join – Sometimes the hurt is too bad for even the strongest of couples to manage on their own.  If this is the case, be wise enough to recognize it and not too proud to seek counseling or find a support group where you can share and learn from those who have been through a similar experience.  It’s best if you both go, but if one doesn’t feel comfortable they shouldn’t be forced. Understand that there are others who have faced a similar storm and survived even its aftermath who will be able to help you. This is the truth we find in 1st Corinthians 1:4.

6. Write – One of the best habits of any life is that of journaling. There is something very helpful about writing things down somewhere that you have the ability to go back later and see how the Lord has brought you through the storm. Also, there are some hurts and feels that are so personal that you may not feel comfortable sharing them with anybody – even your spouse.  That’s when your journal is waiting to accept what you have to write without any judgmental comments or thoughts.

7. Trust – Trust God to get you through the storm and even its aftermath.  Trust Him to bring you closer together. Have faith that He will protect your hearts and minds from the attack of the enemy that so often comes after a tragedy.  Remember the strength that comes in a cord of three strands and realize that the strand that binds your both together and that will keep you from coming apart is none other than the Lord Himself.